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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26735929">Fluttering hearts, wandering minds</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kytanna/pseuds/Kytanna'>Kytanna</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Hobbit - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Bilbo Remains In Erebor, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Demisexual Thorin, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, Love Confessions, Loving Thorin, M/M, Making Out, Mild Sexual Content, Mild Smut, Mutual Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Thorin, Pining, Pining Bilbo, Pining Thorin, Smitten Thorin, Thorin Oakenshield in Denial, Thorin is perpetually confused, Thorin might be horny but he's a gentelman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:14:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,283</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26735929</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kytanna/pseuds/Kytanna</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorin, struggling with wandering and untoward thoughts every time he sees Bilbo smile at him, has to find the reason behind his own hormone riddled urges — as it has no sensible explanation. He's a craftbound dwarf after all. Meant to spend his life without a lover or a spouse. </p><p>Thorin, for his part, is certain it’s an illness.</p><p>What other explanation can there be?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>320</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/navyfeather/gifts">navyfeather</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/speculating/gifts">birdkeeperklink (speculating)</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was born from my need and crave to read demisexual oblivious Thorin and my eternal despair that there's none to find.</p><p>Dedicated to my beloved Birdy and Navy bc without their encouragement this might have never seen the light of the day.</p><p>Also, this turned more dramatic and less funny than I intended but I can’t be blamed for that. Thorin is very dramatic. Hope you enjoy this first part, I should be posting the second part tomorrow or the day after!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin walked through the hallways of the mountain and smiled as he saw how much it had all changed in the month since they had retaken the mountain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Much had happened, but after everything was said and done Daín had decided to stay until Dís arrived, bent on helping Thorin, still guilty for having been previously unable to. With him many other dwarves had stayed, some wanting to stay permanently and others just until their king went back to their own mountain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin, for his part, had just recently been declared as fully healthy by Oín, after spending the entire month bedridden. His wounds have been fatal and almost cost him his life and had not Bilbo come to his aid Thorin most certainly would have perished.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In reality, he had many things to thank Bilbo for. Despite Thorin's unforgivable slight towards their friendship and his life the hobbit had still forgiven him and even gone to save him. When Thorin had been on his deathbed he had been by his side every moment, feeding him soup and telling him how things were faring in the rest of the mountain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin was incredibly lucky to call Bilbo his friend. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He headed towards the outside of the mountain, where once bare and barren land had only been, now greenery had begun growing again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin wasn’t entirely sure how it had happened but little by little Bilbo, with the rest of the company and a few elves, had managed to plant seeds of grass and many other things in the land, turning the empty land — where they had buried all their dead after the battle — into something more dignified and beautiful, worth of the now tombs all the brave dwarves had fought and perished, deserved.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin wished he had been able to help more, the best he had been able to do was listen to Bilbo and give some ideas on his own about what could be grown in the cold mountain and not die instantly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He turned a hill and found Bilbo, sitting on a patch of half-grown grass a few flowers — the few that he had managed to grow so far — close to his feet. He had his face raised towards the sun, akin to a sunflower drawing energy from it. His eyes were closed and he had a content smile on his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilbo looked beautiful. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin had been able to admit that, since the moment he had seen the hobbit, he had found him beautiful, as craftbound as he was, Thorin was still able to appreciate the beauty of people and there was no denying Bilbo was gorgeous in his own very hobbity way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Enjoying the sunlight?” Thorin asked as he came closer to the hobbit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilbo opened one of his eyes, lazily peering at Thorin from behind his eyelashes that shone almost copper in the sunlight.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin felt himself smile and gently sat down besides Bilbo, carefully of his still tender body.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I must while I can, the mountain can get terribly cold at times and as much as I love it here nothing can beat the feel of grass on my feet and the sun kissing my skin,” Bilbo replied, as he closed his eyes again and went back to his sunbathing. “Should you be wandering around all on your own? Oín will get mad," Bilbo casually added. "He has allowed you to leave your bed and walk around as long as you have someone with you. You might be healthy but your body is still weak after everything. A month is not enough time to recover from death.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I won’t tell him if you don’t, besides, I have you now, haven’t I?” Thorin replied with a chuckle, feeling freer than he had ever felt since the worm had taken the mountain from them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The mountain was finally theirs and while there was still much to do, Thorin could finally find hope and see the light that laid beyond the darkness. Erebor is slowly being rebuilt with the help of the dwarves that had decided to stay from the Iron Hills and Dís — with a great part of Ered Luin — was on her way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luck was finally on their side and Mahal had, at last, blessed them with some sort of respite after so much hardship. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know you’ll always have me. We’re friends, after all,” Bilbo said, this time opening both eyes a little bit and turning his head to look at Thorin, his lips turned into a slight smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin’s heart inexplicably began beating faster and a happy laugh left his mouth, almost ripped unwillingly out of him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aye, we’re. I value your friendship above everything, Bilbo and I, as well, will remain by your side as long as you'll have me,” Thorin replied, bumping their shoulders together amicably.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilbo turned fully to look at him and made a complicated expression Thorin wasn’t sure how to interpret, and now that he thought about it, lately that had been a recurrent situation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In all the time they had spent together Thorin would have liked to say that he knew Bilbo better than anyone else in the mountain, but as of late he wasn’t so sure anymore. If they hadn’t spent the entire month strengthening their friendship and rebuilding their crumbled trust, Thorin might have assumed Bilbo’s odd behaviour might be due to him feeling unsafe near Thorin. But as Bilbo leaned into Thorin's shoulder he was further convinced of that not being the reason behind it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin relaxed into the touch, the warmness that emanated from Bilbo soothing his soul in ways very few people could.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was truly one of Thorin’s most treasured people.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He turned to smile at Bilbo, who had his head still turned towards Thorin and had his hazel gaze on him and bend his head a little lower, offering.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilbo smiled, his eyes crinkling slightly and his face coloured, the faint freckles he had under his eyes highlighted under the light of the sun. He took the offer and pressed his forehead against Thorin’s in a clear sign of affection...of friendship and fondness.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Since he had woken up Thorin had tried to do it as often as he could, always offering and letting Bilbo be the one to close the distance between them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At the time, when he had been still unsure if their friendship would survive Thorin's slight, the gesture — the feel of Bilbo’s forehead, his curls brushing against Thorin's temple and his warm breath against his skin — had been the only thing that could calm his worries. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now, as he hummed under his breath as he enjoyed Bilbo’s warmness and taking in the smell of flowers, and grass and Bilbo’s very own essence, his mind absently wandered and Thorin lowered his eyes. Focusing on the plush lips that were mere inches away from his own face, a sudden thought came to his mind, that in the distance between their faces, as brief as it was, he was to bend his head lower he might be able to catch those lips between his own. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin froze, realizing what had just crossed his mind, and after thinking further about it — feeling almost scandalized — he realized he wouldn’t mind doing it, in fact — Thorin realized with an almost daunting clarity — he would very much like to do so.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin’s throat let out an inhuman sound, resembling the sound of a dying animal, his eyes wide and the only thing he could register was the wild thumping of his heart.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thorin? Are you okay?!" Bilbo asked, looking worriedly at Thorin after that horrible sound that had left Thorin's mouth had startled him. "Blasted it all! I knew you shouldn’t have been walking around so soon, I warned Oín but he refused to listen,” Bilbo lamented as he scrambled to his feet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin, for his part, was starting to feel a little faint, too shocked to reassure that no, Thorin was fine, but might be having a heart attack because he had just realized he wanted to kiss Bilbo. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Swallowing thickly he took a few calming breaths and tried to ignore Bilbo’s worried glances. Thorin slowly got up and finally acknowledged Bilbo, saying, “sorry, I felt a bit woozy for a moment. I should go to my rooms to rest. Sorry for worrying you, Bilbo.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Without saying anything else Thorin headed as fast as his body allowed him to towards the entrance of the mountain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He heard Biblo sputter behind him and after a moment he shouted, “wait! Do you want me to accompany you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin felt panic surge through his body and quickly shouted back, barely turning his head to look at Bilbo, never stopping, “No! I’m fine! You keep enjoying the sun!” Thorin hurried his pace and almost ran towards his rooms, leaving a most likely, very confused hobbit behind.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Thorin sat on a slightly dusty armchair, his arms resting on his lap and his eyes fixed on the ceiling where a spider was weaving its web. His eyes felt slightly dry and Thorin forced himself to blink. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It had been in the same position for almost three hours since he had arrived at his rooms after running away almost frantically from Bilbo.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin covered his face with both hands and groaned loudly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In those two hours he had been trying to understand where that thought had come from and the more he thought about it the more confused he felt</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin couldn’t understand it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had spent all his life believing himself to be craftbound or at the very least simply not made to feel attraction towards other people, because while Thorin had a very active libido he had never felt the need to act on it, even less felt it directed at someone. The very few times he had found relief on his own he had only liked the peak, the rush of adrenaline it brought, not the act itself like many people claimed to find wonderful. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin, for the life of him, couldn’t envision himself doing any sort of sexual activity with anyone else.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Until now…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In those three hours, Thorin had tortured himself with thoughts of Bilbo, entertaining the thought of perhaps engaging in those acts he had, not long ago, found so terribly unpleasant. To his endless despair and confusion, he came to the conclusion that if it was with Bilbo he wouldn’t mind doing it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He felt a rush of adrenaline, akin to the times his body had raged with hormones, as the image of pressing his lips against Bilbo’s soft ones came to his head. He thought of how they would taste and wondered how they would feel against him. Would Bilbo taste as sweet as the treats he loved to indulge? Thorin, almost shamefully, pondered how it would feel to slip his tongue in the sweet mouth and slide his tongue against Bilbo. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin shook his head and took a shuddering breath, looking wildly around the room, almost as if he was afraid someone had peered inside his mind and saw Thorin’s untoward thoughts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Swallowing and feeling his throat oddly dry Thorin got up and very firmly ignored the warm, almost itchy feeling on his lower belly, deciding to take a shower to clear his head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So what if he found Bilbo attractive? That wasn’t new, he had always thought that of him, the only difference now was that Thorin found him </span>
  <em>
    <span>tempting.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a jarring thought, entirely too foreign to Thorin, who had never felt — or expected, for that matter — to feel like that. He had always firmly thought that he would spend his life alone, simply surrounded by family and friends, never taking a lover or a spouse, as the thought didn't appeal to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So what if Thorin felt like his world had just changed, was it really that horrible to </span>
  <em>
    <span>desire</span>
  </em>
  <span> Bilbo? Thorin supposed not. If anyone deserved to be desired that would be Bilbo, in all his loveliness it was almost unbelievable to think he was still single and as far as Thorin knew Bilbo wasn’t like himself, unwilling to tie himself physically to someone else.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So what in all his 195 years of life Thorin had never found someone who made him feel so alive as Bilbo had? Or even entertained the thought of kissing someone in anything that wasn’t a familial way or a sign of friendship.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This changed nothing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilbo was still his best friend, his most treasured one, and the fact that Thorin found his lips entirely too alluring had nothing to do with that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin still didn’t know why it was happening now of all times. Perhaps it was a secondary effect of his wounds, perhaps all the smashing his head had received had affected his hormones and Thorin was experiencing something akin to a second pubescence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That still didn’t explain why Thorin had found his desires directed at Bilbo, of all people, but he — for the sake of his already weak state of mind — firmly decided to not focus too hard on that fact.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It would pass, he was sure, just like his tweens years have passed, this would also…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It had to, Thorin wasn’t sure what he would do if that wasn’t the case.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Thorin walked beside Balin, in rather high spirits for someone who had just had a screaming match with his cousin about a few affairs concerning the mountain. Thorin couldn’t be faulted, Daín could be rather pig-headed when he wanted, but that wasn’t the reason for his cheerfulness. No, that laid entirely on Bilbo, or rather on the lack of Thorin’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>strange</span>
  </em>
  <span> urges. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Two weeks had passed since that fatidical day and despite his fears, Thorin hadn’t felt the need or want to kiss Bilbo again, to hug him close and press his body flush against Bilbo, to-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Very well, perhaps the thoughts weren’t entirely gone but since that time in the outskirts of the mountain, Thorin hadn’t looked at Bilbo and had their private and joyful moments together disturbed by lewd and entirely too improper thoughts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So far, Thorin had been able to leave those thoughts to the solitude of his bedroom and that, in itself, felt like a small accomplishment. He would have hated to see his time with Bilbo marred by those insidious ideas. The last thing he wanted was to have to run away again and leave Bilbo, he had frightened the hobbit enough the first time and didn't want to give Oín another reason to rethink having allowed Thorin free roaming around the mountain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You seem oddly cheery, lad. Any reason behind it?” Balin asked as they headed towards the kitchen for lunch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m just glad things are finally going our way,” Thorin replied, allowing himself a little smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Balin hummed dubiously as if he didn’t believe him. Thorin didn’t understand why. He had said the truth and while he hadn’t elaborated on the reasons, it wasn’t really needed so Thorin chose to ignore him, not willing to have his moment being ruined from whatever was plaguing his friend’s mind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They passed close to Bilbo’s rooms on their way and an idea lighted up in Thorin’s mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you know if Bilbo has already eaten?” Thorin asked, looking at the doors Bilbo was most likely behind. He had been writing letters almost furiously these past couple of weeks, exchanging them with The Shire as he made his preparations to stay permanently in the mountain. It seemed he was having some slight problems with his will and a few other hobbit legal issues, Thorin hadn’t been able to get a full grasp on what they entailed. The only thing he had gotten from that conversation was that the Sackville-Bagginses were horrible people.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“He ought to go any moment, it’s almost time for his luncheon,” commented Balin. “Would you like to check on him?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin made an agreeing sound and said to Balin, already heading towards the door, “You can go ahead, we’ll meet you there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin faintly heard him say, “take your time, laddie,” before his knuckles rapped the door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come in, it’s open!” Thorin faintly heard Bilbo say from his side of the door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin snorted fondly, he had warned Bilbo multiple times about leaving his doors open but the hobbit refused to listen, insisting they were among friends and once the rest of the dwarves arrived he </span>
  <em>
    <span>might</span>
  </em>
  <span> consider doing it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stubborn hobbit</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Thorin thought, shaking his head in amusement.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin pushed the door open and slipped inside. He craned his head and looked for Bilbo, expecting to find him either bent over his desk, a pile of letters by his side or perhaps sitting on his armchair — an exact replica of the one Thorin had on his own rooms — reading one of the few books in Westron that the library had in store.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead what he saw made him stiffen on the spot, his stomach dropping to his feet and, as blood surged south on his body, Thorin felt slightly lightheaded. Bilbo was coming from his bedroom, his shirt unbuttoned, chest completely bare and his waistcoat on his hands.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin, unable to stop himself ogled Bilbo’s exposed creamy skin, his soft demeanour — even if he, to Thorin’s worry, was far thinner than when they had met — his pink nipples and the faint trail of hair that disappeared under-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Quickly as lightning, Thorin turned to face the door, the blood returning to his face so fast it almost made him dizzy. Feeling his cheeks flaming Thorin frowned and looked at his crotch, making certain the twitch on his lower belly had been nothing more than that. Thanking Mahal and all his ancestors Thorin let out a sigh of relief when he found his pants flat, not a suspicious bulge at sight.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So much for success, Thorin morosely thought. It had barely lasted a week...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You could have told me you were changing. I could have waited outside,” Thorin croaked, voice coming oddly strained. He cleared his throat, trying to swallow the lump on it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What for? It’s not like you haven’t seen me like that before,” Bilbo said, sounding confused at Thorin’s strange behaviour.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin’s eyes widened in surprise. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilbo was right! Why was he behaving in such a manner when this was far from the first time he had seen Bilbo in such a state of undress. He might have never seen the hobbit entirely naked but during the quest, it was almost common to see each other without a shirt. What’s odder was the fact that Thorin </span>
  <em>
    <span>hadn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> seen Bilbo naked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The hobbit had felt uncomfortable in showing himself like that and Thorin had respected that. During those instances, the sight of Bilbo’s soft body hadn’t warranted a second glance from Thorin. What had changed that now at the mere idea of looking at Bilbo’s naked shoulder made Thorin so hot under the collar?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Why the first thing that came to mind was to lean in and press a chaste kiss on those freckled shoulders, perhaps even be brave enough to place another on his neck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin closed his eyes and almost banged his head against the door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No. Thorin wasn’t a mindless beast in a rut, even if he wasn’t sure what was causing it he still had no reason to behave like an uncouth slobbering brute.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trying to regain his composure he turned to face Bilbo and did his best to avert his eyes and keep his glance above the neck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y- you’re right,” Thorin said, biting the inside of his mouth, his brows downcast almost in a frown.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilbo sent him an amused look but thankfully didn’t comment on Thorin’s bizarre behaviour. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you need anything?” Asked Bilbo as he finished dressing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, right,” Thorin said. What was it again? Lunch, Right, lunch… “Have you eaten lunch? Balin and I were on our way and thought you might want to join us,” he eventually said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was about to head there! Bombur mentioned he had gotten his hands into some flour and I’m dying to taste what he might have made,” Bilbo excitedly said, licking his lips. Thorin’s eyes focused on the movement and lost track of what Bilbo was saying. “Thank you for coming to fetch me, you’re always so considerate,” the hobbit added, pulling Thorin’s from his fixated staring, and patted Thorin’s bicep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course. You've done the same, I’m sure,” Thorin absently answered as they made their way towards the kitchen. His mind deep in thought as he despaired and mourned his earlier cheeriness that — given the recent events — had crumbled to dust.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin was getting rather fed up with all those annoying urges. Maybe he ought to see Oín, even his embarrassment and getting bedridden again would be better than suffering through this uncertainty.  </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It kept happening…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Actions Thorin had previously found normal and inconspicuous, like the brush of Bilbo’s hand against his own, his warm breath as he whispered something into Thorin’s ear… The list was endless and all those little things were driving him to the brink of madness.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then there were the not so innocent accidents that for some reason kept happening…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Those seemed like a new sort of torture Thorin wasn’t sure to be strong enough to endure. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just earlier, the night before, Thorin had found himself with his lap full of hobbit. Bilbo had been chattering with Bifur, practising his khuzdul, when not realizing Thorin had been there he had sat on the same seat Thorin was, pressing his bottom atop Thorin's lap. For one marvellous moment, Thorin had had the chance of getting to feel Bilbo in such closeness and not a moment later he had had to excuse himself as his body betrayed him in the most humiliating way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After that, there had been more times, many times where Thorin's had been tested and in all, he had failed, unable to keep his mind out of the dirty thoughts that plagued him, the worse by far when Bilbo had gotten caught in a sudden rain as he came back from Dale. Thorin had found him soaked through the bone, clothes clinging to his body in sinful ways and his white shirt displaying far more than Thorin — or anyone for that matter — should see.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This moment was no different, as Bilbo laid sprawled across Thorin’s front. His slightly damp and soap smelling curls brushing against Thorin’s chin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin still couldn’t comprehend how they had gone from setting up the table — after Bilbo had graciously invited him for a meal in his rooms — to be laying on the ground, Bilbo pressed flush against him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin, having reached this point, felt rather resigned to his recurring terrible destiny. So, as one would ready themself to their inevitable death, Thorin sighed in exhaustion and tried to meekly push Bilbo away from his, pointedly ignoring the interested twitch his member gave.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At this point, and as uncomfortable and irritating as it was, he had gotten used to feeling his body betray him in such a manner. As long as he didn’t make Bilbo uncomfortable, Thorin would be able to deal with it, meaning that he would wait until it went away, as he refused to take care of the problem personally.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He really ought to go to Oín…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, Thorin. Are you alright?” Asked Bilbo as he finally got up and Thorin silently mourned the loss of the warmth of his body. “You didn’t bang your head, did you? Dear me, what a moment to be clumsy!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine, Bilbo,” Thorin replied, feeling quite despondent, as he sat up and fixed his robe to hide his not so little problem.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had, as of late, taken to avoid Bilbo in hopes the distance might help clear his head, or at the very least help him understand what was happening to his body. Thorin didn’t like it, his days seemed brighter when Bilbo was near him and actively avoiding him made Thorin miserable.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin had found it a necessary action when one too many mornings he had woken up with his sheets stained, tangible proof that not even in his dreams he was safe of those wandering thoughts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They got up and Thorin helped Bilbo pick up the shards of the plate they had broken in their fall. They sat up and began eating in silence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin felt the air around them tense and hated himself for it since he knew he was the reason behind it. It was impossible Bilbo hadn’t caught on it. So far the only blessing was that the hobbit didn’t know for certain the real reason behind Thorin’s sudden distance.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are- Are you alright?” Bilbo asked hesitantly halfway through their meagre meal, food supplies wouldn’t arrive until next week and Thorin couldn’t wait to eat anything that wasn’t watered broth, even with Bilbo’s magnificent skills he couldn’t do much with what they had. “You’ve been a little, I don’t know- strange...” Bilbo added, sending a worried glance at Thorin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin pursed his lips and made himself sit as still as a statue, not wanting to show the nervousness and the sudden panic he had felt at those words. “I’m fine, Bilbo, thanks for worrying. I just have a few things on my head,” Thorin replied and sent the hobbit what he hoped was a reassuring smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you could share those thoughts with me, I would like to help you if I can,” Bilbo eagerly offered and the faint panic Thorin had felt when their conversation had began increased to alarming rates.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No!” Thorin shouted, startling both Bilbo and himself, and immediately cursed himself inside his head. “I mean, thank you but I have it under control-” That was a lie, “-you wouldn’t be able to help, so don’t worry,” another lie. If Thorin needed anyone’s help with this particular issue it was Bilbo’s but he could hardly ask him to quench his thirst. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilbo was his friend and it didn’t matter how much he wanted to bury his face on that neck and kiss his way downwards, Thorin wasn’t going to do it, and neither was going to bother Bilbo with his senseless hormones.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Bilbo said, looking miserable. “I see...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin had never wanted to punch himself harder in his life.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>In hindsight, Thorin should have seen it coming. With everything that had happened so far it was obvious this would happen at some point.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Either way, when it happened Thorin had been awfully underprepared. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There had been a tremor on the mountain, Thorin guessed that one of the deeper mines had collapsed. He, along, with his nephews and Bilbo had been coming out from a meeting with Bard and Thranduil when it happened.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The tremor had been very brief but strong enough to make Kíli lose his footing and bump into Thorin and Bilbo. That in itself would have been fine, there hadn’t been any injured and for quite the tremor the damages had been almost non-existent and harmless.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The position Thorin and Bilbo had ended, not so much…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As he had been falling Thorin had braced himself, eyes half-closed and hands in front of him ready to feel the pain as his body collided with the ground. Instead, his hands were met with softness. While his knees might have ended slightly scraped his hands and right cheek had landed on something warm, soft and round.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It took Thorin a good five seconds to realize that he had landed on top of Bilbo and the thing he was currently resting half of his face and hands was Bilbo’s plush and entirely too enchanting bottom.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin lifted his head sharply as a shocked gasp left his mouth, he pushed himself up, unintentionally pressing his hands and his fingers digging into the soft flesh of Bilbo’s bottom. The hobbit let out a yelp and Thorin cursed under his breath in horror, pulling his hands away as if they had just been burned, his face flaming red.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry, Bilbo! I didn’t mean to!” Shouted Thorin and hurriedly stood up, ignoring the pain of his foot at the rough movement.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin met the gaze of the hobbit and found him looking shocked at Thorin, his eyes wide and his face incredibly red, a small scrape on his nose that was faintly starting to bleed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Never in his life, Thorin had wanted to kiss him more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I- I’m sorry,” Thorin said quietly, apologizing not only for the tumble but also for all the times Thorin had been unable to stop his mind from wandering and delving in thoughts unbefitting of a friend.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Looking one last time at Bilbo and hoping his look was conveying everything he couldn’t say, Thorin turned and left, ignoring the calls from his nephews and Bilbo himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had already done enough harm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shutting the door of his rooms behind him Thorin leaned in the door and banged the back of his head against it in frustration.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Why? Why did this keep happening?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin was fed up, he had had enough of the awkward and unfortunate reactions his body kept having when it came to Bilbo.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had had enough of having to avoid his friend to spare him of his lewd thoughts, of his want and need to be close to him. He was tired of being miserable and making the poor hobbit miserable as well.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin wanted to go back to the way they were before, he wanted to hold Bilbo’s hand and lean into him without having to question his motives or have images of pushing for more, crawl inside his mind. He wanted to see Bilbo laugh and not feel his stomach do a backflip. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wanted to talk with Bilbo and explain to him what was happening, to have him help Thorin through his confusion and worries like he always did. The worst was that he couldn't even explain to Bilbo what was going on — as much as he knew the hobbit was dying to ask —when Thorin himself had no idea.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His every day was clouded by confusion and panic. Thorin had never felt like this before, not even as a tween and no matter how hard he thought, he couldn’t find a reason behind it. It was bizarre beyond belief. He was supposed to be craftbound, these urges above him, reserved for the people who were meant to have a One, for those who chose lovers and formed families.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin wasn’t one of those. He had never been in love before, didn’t even know how that felt like and the feeling of desiring, </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanting</span>
  </em>
  <span> someone in such a physical way was still too foreign to Thorin, despite having been the norm for him for the past month. The worst part was that he could hardly look at Bilbo in the eye nowadays, too ashamed of having marred their friendship in such a manner, without the hobbit’s permission or knowledge.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before he could keep chastising himself some more, a loud and urgent knocking on his door startled him out of his thoughts, the banging making Thorin’s head vibrate painfully with each knock.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He turned and opened the door with a displeased frown, praying it wasn’t Bilbo and ready to throw out anyone else. On the other side, Thorin found the worried eyes of his nephews, accompanied by Balin, Dwalin, and even Oín. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin huffed in annoyance and stepped to the side, letting them enter. Had it been half of those five Thorin might have had a chance of kicking them out but now? Almost impossible... and Thorin was too mentally exhausted to even try.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you want?” Thorin curtly asked as he frowned at the dwarves that had merrily made at home in the living room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His nephews shared a cautionary glance before giving Thorin that same worried look as before. “We were worried. You left in such a hurry we thought you might need some company,” Fíli said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you were feeling unwell but didn’t want to worry Bilbo so you left before he noticed. That’s why we brought Oín with us, the rest were already there and just tagged along,” Kíli added, smiling apologetically at Thorin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” Thorin lied, and judging by the incredulous looks he was getting from his friends and family, he had done a very bad job at it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been waiting for you to come to see me for over a week already, lad, are you going to tell us what is going on?” Asked Oín, giving Thorin that frown, the one he used on naughty children and stubborn patients.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After seeing all the determined glares directed at his way Thorin sighed in defeat and closed the door behind him. He strategically sat in an armchair closer to his nephews, far from the rest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin, despite the current proof of the contrary, had thought that he had made a pretty good job at hiding his recurring problems. At least Bilbo hadn’t caught on it and that, in itself, was a win for Thorin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He internally debated in telling them the truth, if the embarrassment was worth it or if he should just make an excuse and kick them out and find another moment to talk to Oín.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But again, how to explain something, not even Thorin himself, could understand?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please, uncle. We just want to help,” said Kíli, giving Thorin his saddest eyes, the ones he knew Thorin had a hard time saying no to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin saw everyone in the room nod in agreement and he sighed in defeat and exhaustion. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s complicated to explain,” Thorin began, pausing for a moment before continuing. “I have always thought myself to be craftbound but recent incidents have been leading me to think that might not be the case…” he cautiously added.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A few of the dwarves looked at him in surprise but neither Dwalin nor Balin did, something that didn’t even startle Thorin, if there was anyone who knew him better than himself that would be the sons of Fundin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s making ye think that?” Asked Dwalin, his arms crossed across his chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have never felt sexual attraction towards anyone before, but now I do. I don’t know the reason behind it, as it only seems to be directed towards the same person but it’s bothersome,” Thorin explained curtly, looking at his boots and refusing to look up. He had chosen his words in a way that would be impossible to know Bilbo was the object of his affections, why would anyone think that? They were merely friends after all. They had no reason to suspect, still, Thorin worried.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The room stayed quiet for a few seconds and Thorin looked up, only to find his friends and family looking at him with varying degrees of disbelief. Not that he could blame then, he had been the same when he had realized of his plight.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I see...” Balin said cautiously, giving Thorin an odd look. “Well, let’s- let’s see it like this,” Balin sighed and remained in silence for a moment as if he was unsure how to approach the topic. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin appreciated him wanting to help, as a fellow craftbound dwarf Thorin greatly valued his opinion on the matter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Close your eyes laddie,” Balin ordered and Thorin did as he was told. “Think of B- the person you have been feeling attracted to,” Balin added and Thorin did it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He thought of Bilbo and his sometimes mischievous smile, the way he laughed and how his hand felt against Thorin's own. The way his hair always seemed to smell like pine and hazelnut, the way he always made Thorin feel bright and light.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Apart from feeling physically attracted to them, do you see yourself growing old with them? Holding their hand and hugging them? Spending your days by their side?” Asked once again, Balin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do, but that’s something we’ve been doing for a long time now, and I already saw myself doing all those things with Bilbo before-” Thorin opened his eyes in panic when he realized he had said Bilbo’s name out loud.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine your Majesty, we knew all along you were talking about our hobbit lad,” Oín said, slightly exasperated but kindly nonetheless.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pretty impossible not to,” Dwalin muttered under his breath, getting a glare from Thorin in response and an elbow shoved to his side, courtesy of Balin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But-” Kíli said hesitantly, his brows furrowed in confusion. “But that sounds like love,”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin’s eyes widened at his nephew’s words, and he, almost in a daze, watched as Fíli shushed his younger brother and whispered something in his ear, making Kíli cover his mouth and look guiltily at Thorin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Kíli mumbled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin ignored him and said in confusion, clinging to the barest remains of the beliefs Thorin had until that point, “but I’ve always felt this for Bilbo. We’re friends, great friends. I naturally love him, that’s not odd, it can’t be...” Thorin sounded foolish even to his own ears and bit the inside of his mouth angrily.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dwalin sighed and looked at Thorin as if he was the biggest idiot in the mountain. Thorin couldn’t blame him, he felt like one. “We’re friends, brothers in anything but blood, ain’t we?” He asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin nodded once. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then tell me, oh wise one, why we don’t hold hands or cuddle or do any of that sappy orc dung ye do with Bilbo,” Dwalin challenged, almost mocking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s because our relationship is different from the one I have with Bilbo. He’s softer and unlike you, enjoys being close to me like that,” Thorin replied harshly, staring daggers at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah? Then do ye wanna do it? Do ye wanna hold hands and have me smooching your kingly cheeks?” Dwalin asked with a tilt of the head and Thorin almost reeled at the idea. “Thought as much...” Dwalin added with a snort.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can’t expect me to want anything of that sort from you. You said it yourself, we’re as good as brothers,” Thorin counteracted, not willing to back down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dwalin’s brows furrowed further and he shouted, "Thorin, don't be stubborn!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then think of anyone else,” Fíli cut in, interrupting Thorin’s and Dwalin’s glare contest. “Do you see doing what you do with Bilbo, or even what you sometimes find yourself fantasizing about, with anyone else?” Fíli asked patiently, his face set in a serious expression.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin looked at his nephew, they were still unsure but it seemed Fíli was also craftbound. Well... maybe not 'also' anymore...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-” Thorin hesitated but did as told, and was met with the same distaste and disinterest he had always felt when he had thought himself to be craftbound. “I don’t,” Thorin said quietly at last.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then I don’t think you’re craftbound, uncle. I think you just found your One...” Kíli offered quietly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin let that thought sink.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilbo as his One, would that be true? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Unlike what many thought Ones weren’t something Mahal assigned at birth, but someone you found yourself, they weren't soulmates, something bound by magic, but for what it signified, it might as well have been. For dwarves, your One was the person you loved more than anyone else, the one that you gave your heart entirely to and the one you tied your life with…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As soft as a breeze, the realization hit Thorin, gentle and caring, the knowledge engulfed his mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh!</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So that was what it was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin felt as if a blindfold that had been covering his eyes had suddenly disappeared. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It all made sense now...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was in love.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin was in love with Bilbo.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He felt himself smile at the thought. All his life he had believed that that would be a feeling he would never get to feel. He still wasn’t sure when it had happened, it had been so gradual and felt so natural that Thorin hadn’t noticed the shift in his feelings, and, hadn’t his body produced an outward physical manifestation, Thorin might have never found out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oblivious that his wishes of wanting to hold Bilbo’s hand, that his daydreams of staying close together until they both grew old, that the way his smile and laugh made Thorin’s heart soar were something beyond what a friend would think of another.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What he had thought to be platonic love was anything but, having never experienced Thorin had foolishly mistaken it for something less than it was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That explained his sudden attraction for Bilbo. He had fallen in love with him and at one point, when his heart and his subconscious had found Thorin to be ready, it had happened.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How could he have been so oblivious?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m in love with Bilbo,” Thorin softly said, voice full of wonder, his heart hammering on his chest as he said it out loud for the first time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was so glaringly obvious now. Had Bilbo noticed? It didn’t seem likely but it was almost unbelievable. Thorin could consider himself lucky in that regard.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m in love with Bilbo,” Thorin repeated, more determined and joyous. His friends and family smiled at him, his nephews cheered and Dwalin got up to clap Thorin on the back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"High time you noticed, doofus," he said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin, for the first time in a long time, didn't feel uncertain.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After realising his feelings Thorin is ready to make his move.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here's the second part! Thorin is dramatic dork but what's new?</p><p>I updated the tags so pls make sure to check them out. Also! I forgot to mention it yesterday but there's some mild smut almost at the end of this chapter, nothing too overly explicit or scandalous but for those who want to skip it, feel free to do so, and for those who came here for that very reason, enjoy!</p><p>(Khuzdul translations are at the end notes!)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilbo was acting weird, Thorin had seen him walking around the mountain with downcast eyes and a worried frown permanently glued to his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Since the day the ‘bum incident’ had happened Thorin hadn’t been able to face Bilbo. That had been three days ago.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After the euphoria and elation that came from finally recognising his feelings, Thorin had come to the hard truth that just because he loved Bilbo and wanted him in all sorts of ways, that didn’t mean he felt the same for Thorin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The knowledge, if anything, made Thorin’s problem — </span>
  <em>
    <span>his thirst, his want</span>
  </em>
  <span> — even worse. Now that he knew why it was happening, and the panic and confusion were gone, it was even harder to stop or try to control the reactions his body had when he was faced with the marvel that was Bilbo Baggins.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a wonder the hobbit hadn’t caught on Thorin’s affections after everything. He had been assured, multiple times by multiple people that that wasn’t the case.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was surprising because if Thorin had been oblivious then that meant Bilbo was as good as blind, and for now, that suited Thorin just fine.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now, despite his initial happiness, Thorin felt rather despondent and quite frankly, like a coward. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had been meaning to approach Bilbo and try to find if perhaps the hobbit might return Thorin’s feelings but so far he had been unable, turning away almost every time he saw the hobbit. Unable to control the flush that raised on his cheeks, the tremor that ran through his body at the thought of having Bilbo close or the itch that felt in his skin at the idea of even daring to touch Bilbo. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So things were worse and now he couldn’t even get close to Bilbo without seeming like a lustful tween that had gotten drunk on mandrake.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was almost humiliating and until he got himself under check he couldn’t face Bilbo. It was unseemly and it would surely upset the poor hobbit. Thorin didn’t wish to make Bilbo uncomfortable, so waiting it was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Except that wasn’t really an option anymore. Bilbo was moping around the mountain looking quite miserable and there was no possible way Thorin wasn’t going to do anything about it. He will just have to find a way to swallow his pride and not manage to burst into flames when he approached the object of his desires.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But before that, Thorin had to find someone to help him understand the situation. Three days might not seem like much but Thorin knew a lot could change in so little. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bofur!” Thorin exclaimed when he managed to find the dwarf who was just merrily leaving the mines, a stack of papers in one hand and his well-loved pickaxe in the other.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bofur had been left in charge to try to map the mines that had been thoroughly changed thanks to Smaug’s destruction before the entourage from Ered Luin arrived. Bofur understood mines like no other and his stone sense was even better than Thorin's.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hey, your majesty! How can I be of help?” Bofur asked, offering Thorin a welcoming grin and tilting his hat in greeting.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you been in contact with Bilbo there past few days?” Thorin asked, urgently.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aye, he’s been a bit down lately so I went to cheer him up yesterday,” Bofur said, his grin dimming and his moth tilting downwards in a clear sign of worry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then do you know what ails him?” Thorin asked, his brows pulled into a determined frown.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, aye. The poor lad just got his heart broken, it seems. Didn’t get many details as he didn’t want to talk about it, but it appears he harbours some unrequited feelings towards someone,” Bofur explained, eyes sharp directed towards Thorin. “You should go see him, might cheer him up. Everyone knows how much Bilbo relies on you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin felt like he had been punched on the solar plexus, and struggled to breathe, each mouthful of air painful.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He should have known.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was impossible not to love Bilbo, and even less that Bilbo hadn’t found someone else to love. His heart was the size of the very mountain they now lived in and the hobbit had even more love to give. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whoever had been foolish enough to reject Bilbo was clearly touched in the head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin swallowed the lump on his throat and his bitterness and sighed as the idiotic urge to sob rattled him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Bofur. I’ll visit him as soon as I can.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin left before the miner could say anything else and headed in search of Bilbo.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t linger, or even stop to think about what he had just found. Bilbo needed him and for him, Thorin would do anything. He could go and mourn the lost chance, he had never even had, later.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>In the end, it took Thorin almost the entire day to find Bilbo.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He finally found him in the same place he had been when Thorin had first realized he wanted to kiss Bilbo. At the edge of the mountain, surrounded by flowers and morosely blowing dandelions.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s a nice evening,” Thorin commented, sitting beside Bilbo and watching the sky tinted in orange as the sun began to disappear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilbo simply hummed in response, not looking one bit surprised at his sudden appearance, most likely having heard him as hobbits had extremely sharp ears.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-” Thorin hesitated. He took a deep breath and burrowed his own sorrow and disappointment deep inside him. The fire that ran through his veins — at the very sight of Bilbo — calm for once. “I have heard from Bofur that you have been hurt. I- I’m sorry, you don't deserve that kind of pain...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I could take it away,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Thorin didn’t say.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilbo turned to look at him, startled eyes met Thorin’s only to quickly look aside. Bilbo cursed under his breath. “... Knew I should have trusted him to keep his mouth shut...” Thorin faintly heard him mumble angrily. “Did he tell you anything else?!” Almost shouted the hobbit, his eyes clouded in pain and an unhappy frown on his brow marring his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin mourned for him. Despite being relieved that Bilbo had not been courted before Thorin could even think about making a move, the knowledge that Bilbo was this unhappy made Thorin ache deep inside and wish that whoever Bilbo loved, returned his feelings so — even if Thorin never recovered from the pain — Bilbo might get to be happy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He merely said you had had your heart broken,” Thorin explained quietly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I see... Well, it’s true,” Bilbo said pitifully going back to his dandelions.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Thorin offered with a solemn tilt of the head, and he truly was. If anyone deserved to be happy that was Bilbo.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The hobbit, for his part, let out a sharp ugly laugh at his words, one Thorin had never heard before and wished to never do again. It was an ugly sound, harsh and twisted and full of pain. Thorin hated it as soon as he heard it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Me too,” Bilbo added afterwards and soon enough his body began trembling. Thorin, to his horror, realized his friend had begun crying and without thinking twice he wrapped his arm around the hobbit and pushed his now red face, full of tears, into his neck. Hiding Bilbo from anyone who dared to see, shielding him from all that might dare to hurt him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It just hurts so much...” Bilbo mumbled into his neck as his tears rolled down and soaked Thorin's tunic.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin felt like crying as well, as his own heart shattered inside his chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know,” he whispered back, feeling choked up. “I just don’t understand,” Thorin said, louder this time as anger replaced that pitiful feeling that had wrapped around his heart since he had spoken with Bofur. “You’re the most extraordinary person I know. You’re brave, sweet and bow to no one. You’re stubborn and fussy, your feet are too big and your ears pointy, you have hair in the wrong places and- and-” Thorin let out a frustrated sound, cutting his anxious, angry rant, and hugged Bilbo closer as he failed to find the right words. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was just </span>
  <em>
    <span>so angry</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Uzfakuh</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Thorin said, painfully longing, “I just don’t understand how could anyone not love you when you’re everything I want.” Thorin let out a shuddering sigh after that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Silence engulfed them and Thorin felt Bilbo stiffen in his arms and, as the hobbit raised his head to look at Thorin, his brain recalled what he had said unintentionally amid his angry ramble. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin's eyes widened in horror. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Inhaling sharply, he covered his mouth with his hand as if that would stop him from spilling anything more. As if what he had said hadn’t been enough.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I- I’m so sorry Bilbo,” Thorin said, moving back to try to get up. “I came here to cheer you up and instead I’m ruining things again. I shouldn’t have come, I- I beg you to forget what you just heard. I promise you I won’t bother you, nothing has to change,” Thorin insisted vehemently.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilbo was looking at Thorin as if he had never seen him before. Eyes shiny and his face flushed and still wet with tears.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Thorin breathed out one last time before bolting towards the safety of the mountain, the sun now completely hidden behind the slope of the mountain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin heard Bilbo calling his name behind him, ignoring it, he walked faster as he felt what Bilbo and he had built up to that point crumble at his feet.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re going drinking,” Thorin announced to Dwalin as soon as he found him, training with a few of the men from the Iron Hills.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What happened?” Dwalin asked, sheathing his axes behind his back as he walked towards Thorin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I talked to Bilbo and I ruined everything. I want to forget, at least for a moment,” Thorin explained curtly, already walking towards the great hall where, most likely, everyone was preparing to have dinner. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There weren't many people in the mountain yet but it was enough that they had to use the great hall and with the shortage of food it was better to eat all together as the food was rationed and made in batches. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What did ye do?” Dwalin pressed, walking besides Thorin after having quickly waved at the lads he had been training with.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to talk about it, I just want to get drunk and forget for a moment this entire day. I was much better not knowing I love Bilbo. I was much better thinking it was all an illness,” Thorin grumbled angrily.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dwalin snorted beside him and Thorin glared at him. “Ye thought you were sick?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut up,” Thorin replied angrily and pointedly ignored his reddening face. “I hate you,” he added for good measure.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure ye do,” Dwalin mocked in a taunting tone but thankfully didn’t press for more answers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin swallowed the urge to punch him.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>In the end, it took almost two barrels of ale for Thorin to get drunk enough to forget his worries.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now, as his head spun and his stomach rolled pleasantly, Thorin couldn’t remember what had bothered him so much. It had been about Bilbo, he was certain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gone was his fear of rejection and his uncertainty in declaring his feelings. He had already done it so there was nothing to fear anymore and-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Right! That had been, he had confessed how he felt to Bilbo on accident and now he was drunk because of it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Utter orc dung. Sober Thorin was a coward. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Eh! Dwalin,” Thorin slurred, feeling his tongue heavy on his mouth. “Ye have to kick me when I’m sober and tell me to brave up, none of this ruring- runan-” Thorin struggled to find the right word, “-running away,” he finally said and added, “Bilbo deserves better.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dwalin guffawed in front of him, his shape slightly blurry, as Thorin’s sigh swarmed. “Aye, yer right and I’m going to make you keep yer word.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yer a true friend,” Thorin replied, swaying on his chair. “Hm, brother, aye, we're brothers,” he added.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yer pretty hung on the hobbit, aren’t you?” Dwalin asked with an odd sort of smirk on his face, that had Thorin been sober, he might have been able to discern it as his ‘I’m-up-to-no-good smirk’ but — as sloshed as he was — Thorin simply smiled at him, more than happy to change the topic towards Bilbo once again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“‘Course am,” he almost shouted. “Bilbo’s the best with his curls and his smile and his pretty feet. Bilbo’s handsome, so comely, so pretty...” Thorin said, thinking about the hobbit that owned his heart.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love him,” Thorin said, a little more clearly, nothing like his half-arsed slur from before. “He’s so perfect...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love Bilbo!” He shouted, thinking it the best idea in his inebriated state. Everyone ought to know it! That way they’ll know not to fall in love with the hobbit as their love will never be as strong as Thorin’s.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aye, I know. What do you love about him though?” Dwalin asked patiently, clearly willing to listen to him. Thorin knew he liked Dwalin for a reason…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin closed his eyes and envisioned Bilbo on his mind. He heard someone talk, sounding oddly familiar and heard Dwalin shush them so Thorin decided to ignore them as well and continued.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Love his face, so pretty and smooth. His hands and his hair. Wanna put a braid on it,” Thorin began recounting loudly, warranting a few stares from the few people around them. Thorin ignored them, not caring one bit and continued. “His mouth, so lovely, wanna kiss it. Oh! and his bum! so round and perfect, wanna kiss it too,” Thorin loudly declared.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With a longing sigh, he thought about all the perfect attributes Bilbo possessed, “Wanna kiss him all over, he’s precious… so very precious. I want him so much, Dwalin,” Thorin almost whined, having the urge to go find Bilbo and at the very least hug him, Thorin wouldn't press for more, he wouldn't dare, but he wouldn't mind having the hobbit's hands on his hair. They never failed to relax Thorin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I feel worse than a tween drunk on mandrake when he’s close by,” Thorin lamented and then snorted amusedly, eyes fixed on the wall at the end of the room. “I wanna see Bilbo. I want him to hug me. My </span>
  <em>
    <span>Khajimel</span>
  </em>
  <span>, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sanûrzud, Lukhudel</span>
  </em>
  <span>. My </span>
  <em>
    <span>Âzyungel...</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Thorin longingly said, laying his cheek on the table, suddenly feeling very tired and so very sad.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wanted to see Bilbo.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, that’s enough. I’m taking him with me. Thank you for sending the raven, Dwalin,” said a very familiar voice behind Thorin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aye, anytime. Hope that clears a few things up.” Thorin saw Dwalin say from his side, towards the voice that had spoken before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I- yes. Thank you...” said the voice quietly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Getting irritated at having been ignored, Thorin cut in. “Dwalin, I want to go with Bilbo. Take me to him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thorin,” said the voice and Thorin ignored it, looking instead at Dwalin. “Thorin! I’m here,” repeated the voice and this time, with great effort Thorin turned, ready to tell whoever it was to shut up because he was busy trying to find his burglar.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead, he was met with the slightly blurry face of Bilbo. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bilbo, you have come!” Thorin shouted and tried to get up, only to almost end up face first in the ground. Warm arms, arms Thorin knew very well wrapped around him and Thorin learned in the touch, burying his face in dark golden curls. “I’ve missed you. You matter greatly to me, you know?” Thorin asked, feeling the sudden urge to let the hobbit know how much Thorin cared for him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know, Thorin,” grunted Bilbo a little under him, Thorin pushed himself a little straighter. “You matter the same to me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin felt himself grinning, feeling happy and content. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s take you to your rooms,” Bilbo said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you gonna kiss me there?” Thorin asked curiously, sure Bilbo had heard him talking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilbo sputtered funnily, making Thorin snort in amusement. “M-Maybe later. You need to rest first.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“‘Kay,” Thorin agreed easily, not seeing any reason to fight Bilbo on the matter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their walk towards his rooms was slow, as Bilbo had to carry with most of Thorin’s weight, but they eventually made it and before Thorin notices — between one blink and the next one — Bilbo had him tucked in his bed. Thorin wasn’t sure how he had done that but he highly appreciated it, the bed was incredibly comfortable and Thorin was suddenly feeling so very tired... he really wanted to sleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, that’s right. You have to sleep. Rest as much as you need to, I’ll come to check up on you tomorrow myself,” Bilbo said, looking down at Thorin from the edge of the bed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you know how gorgeous you’re?” Thorin half-whispered at him, fighting the sleep away. He felt he had to tell Bilbo this, not sure why the urgency, but Thorin knew Bilbo needed to hear this so he kept talking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re so beautiful and rile me up like no other. So tempting and perfect...” Thorin said, smiling at Bilbo. “So handsome and comely in a way only you can be, so refined and strong. You have no idea how much I burn for you. For your lips, your hands, your long legs that I would die to have wrapped around me...” Thorin sighed longingly and added, “I just- I just really lo-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Suddenly a hand was covering his mouth and Thorin let out a muffled complaint.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“T- tell me tomorrow, when you’re sober, okay? Don’t you want to hear my answer?” Asked Bilbo above him, a strange sort of smile on his face, looking almost forced.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin nodded, feeling oddly chastised. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He put a hand on top of Bilbo’s and pried it off his face with great effort as his hand didn’t respond to him the way Thorin wanted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Will you stay with me until I fall asleep? Please,” Thorin asked, as he held Bilbo’s hand tightly, afraid the hobbit might run away before Thorin could do anything about it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-” Bilbo hesitated and Thorin felt himself frown in sadness as he waited for the refusal. “Of course, of course I’ll stay with you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin brightened and moved aside for Bilbo, as best as he could, that with his lack of coordination was almost a failed attempt. Thorin shouldn’t have drunk so much, now he couldn’t enjoy Bilbo’s company properly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Who's idea had been that? It didn’t matter now but Thorin would have to reprimand whoever had been later, much later, when the world had stopped spinning and his eyelids weren’t dropping as if they weighed stones.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilbo sat on the bed and took Thorin’s hand into his own but, to his disappointment, didn’t lie beside him. Thorin wanted to complain but he was so very tired, and with a shushing noise from Bilbo and gentle hands petting his hair Thorin gave in and closed his eyes, blissfully falling asleep. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the last second, before unconscious took completely over Thorin felt the trail of a thought, the inkling that he was forgetting something — something very important — but as comfortable and content as he felt, Thorin simply decided to ignore it, leaving it to worry about for the next day.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Thorin woke up with a groan, his head pounding faintly and his mouth as dry as if he had eaten sand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He blinked, looking around the room in confusion, the memories starting to come clear inside Thorin's head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Right, he had gone drinking with Dwalin…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin found a cup of water by his bedside and thanked whoever had left it there and greedily drank it. Thorin had to bless his lineage as no matter how much he drank he never seemed to end up with nothing more than a strong headache and slight dizziness. Apart from that, the only thing that might ruin his day might be his own sour mood and tiredness. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He got up and went to the small bathroom he had in his rooms and drew a bath, the one he rarely used as he prefered the communal ones. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As he washed the grime of the day before of himself Thorin tried to recall the rest of the happenings of the previous night, finding his memory oddly empty. He frowned at that and then grimaced when the gesture made his head ache further. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin continued washing up and thought deeply of what he had done the day before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupidly</span>
  </em>
  <span> confessed to Bilbo how much he liked him and then ran away, then he went to drown his sorrows in ale with Dwalin, then…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin swallowed a gasp and groaned, hitting the back of his head against the edge of the tub in frustration, only to hiss at the way that senseless move had made his brain rattle.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t believe it. Thorin was so stupid…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was going to throttle Dwalin for this. How could he have called Bilbo and let Thorin do such shameful acts in front of him? The poor hobbit must have been creeped out. Having had to listen to Thorin’s disturbing and unsolicited fantasies.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And in front of so many dwarves.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mahal…</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin felt his whole face burn in deep shame.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How could he face Bilbo after this? Would he even want to be close to Thorin after all the horrible things he had said? He had pushed all his longing and his unrequited feeling towards Bilbo…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The hobbit might have been gracious enough to accompany him and let Thorin ramble about all his many attributes but Thorin now could vividly remember the face of sadness and deep discomfort Bilbo had carried when Thorin had attempted to confess his love for him. The way his face was red with what clearly was shame and embarrassment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had made Bilbo feel all those things and Thorin would never be able to forget himself for it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It all had started with his inability to control his wanting and longing for Bilbo, and now, on top of that, he had tried to push his romantic feelings towards Bilbo when his friend had been nursing a broken heart on his own. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Could Thorin even be called a friend at this point?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was clear he was a bad one. He had hurt Bilbo in the past and after their fight, during the battle, he had promised himself he would never do anything like that again… Except he had done it. When Bilbo most needed him Thorin had been unable to be for him and it was unfair, so terribly unfair when Bilbo had always been there for Thorin, at every moment and turn... Bilbo had always been there for him...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilbo deserved much better than that, and Thorin couldn’t do him the disservice of not talking to him just because of his own shame or his feelings of inadequacy. Thorin owed him an apology, at the very least...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Decided, Thorin got ready for the day and changed into clean clothes — thinking of the best moment to approach Bilbo — when he heard a knock on his door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Enter!” Thorin shouted, too busy tying his outer robes to open the door himself. He didn’t want to see anyone and hoped that whatever business the dwarf at the other side of the door had would be quick.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin turned to look at the intruder at the same time as Bilbo stuck his head cautiously in around the door, looking around, clearly searching for Thorin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin for his part, felt himself freeze, hands still on the half-done knot of his tunic.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I come in? I wanted to see how you were since promised I was going to check up on you...” Bilbo trailed off, cautiously waiting at the entrance.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin nodded, unable to form words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had wanted to speak with Bilbo but not like this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was too sudden. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For a moment Thorin contemplated making an excuse and avoiding Bilbo but quickly discarded the thought. No. It wouldn’t be fair to Bilbo, who despite everything had still taken the time to come and see Thorin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilbo entered and closed the door behind him quietly and, after a moment of silence, he lifted his hand awkwardly at him and Thorin noticed, for the first time, the steaming cup he was holding.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I brought you some special tea that helps with hangovers. I thought you might feel unwell after how much you drank yesterday...” Bilbo explained hesitantly, barely meeting Thorin’s eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, I appreciate it,” Thorin replied, taking the cup and placing it in the table that was in front of the sofa and the armchairs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sat on the sofa and patted the seat next to him as he said, “please, take a seat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilbo compiled without making a noise and Thorin thought that he had never felt more uncomfortable in his life.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They remained like that for a while, not saying a word while Thorin drank the tea. The topic they were both clearly avoiding, weighing on them as heavy as the mountain itself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At the very least the tea tasted nice, Thorin thought detachedly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-” They both said at the first time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, please go ahead,” Thorin offered. It was best if Bilbo spoke first.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s- I- Oh, dear...” Bilbo finally conceded after Thorin nodded at him pointedly. After a weary sigh, Bilbo finally spoke. “Do you remember what happened yesterday?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin’s eyes widened. Bilbo was too nice… He sounded as if Thorin said no he would be willing to forget Thorin's embarrassing behaviour as well.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He couldn't take advantage of his kindness.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin closed his eyes, not willing to see Bilbo’s face when he said it. “I remember it all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I see, then-” Bilbo began but Thorin cut him off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, wait, let me finish, please. This is important,” Thorin raised a hand in front of Bilbo to stop him and finally met his eyes. His gorgeous hazel eyes...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilbo agreed with a nod, and Thorin, taking a deep breath, decided to let it all out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I apologize. I was not myself when I said all those things,” Thorin didn’t avert his eyes this time, vent on memorizing Bilbo’s face as he finally bared his heart to the hobbit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought as much...” Bilbo mumbled under his breath, looking incredibly sad and tired. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin swallowed bitterly, feeling as his own heart shattered when he realized he was the one to blame for Bilbo’s unhappiness. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I should have never told you that, and even less in that way, not on the edge of the mountain nor in the great hall. You were nursing a broken heart and I hurt you even more, pushing my unwelcome feelings like that. I’m sorry,” Thorin continued evenly, not even sure from where he was gathering the strength to keep talking without breaking apart. “You shouldn’t have to learn about my feeling in such an unsightly way. I had struggled for a long time in understanding what I truly felt for you, I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable so I drew away and I know you might not even wish for my friendship after all this but I beg you to let me tell you properly how I feel about you. Let me do things properly this time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin’s heart was hammering on his chest, loud and strong enough that he wouldn’t be surprised if Bilbo heard it from where he was seated. His stomach was flipping on itself in an almost uncomfortable way but Thorin ignored it and decided to keep going. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilbo, for his part, was looking at him with wide eyes, full of shock and incredulity, his hands fisted in a tight grip atop his lap.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin dared to grab one between his own, and shamefully enjoyed what could be the last time he was permitted to hold it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you, Bilbo Baggins. I love you as I have never loved anything else.” Thorin admitted with a chuckle. The feeling had been so foreign and at the same so natural Thorin had struggled to see it for what it was. Love. “My love for you goes beyond physical wanting, I crave you, that’s true, but I loved you long before I wanted you. I’ve loved you for such a long time I didn’t even notice that’s what it was. I could spend days whispering to you all the little things I love about you and I would never run out of things to say, as with every day that passes I find something else to love.” Thorin exhaled and added, “I’m not telling you this in the hopes you return my feelings, I know that’s not the case. I just need you to understand that despite that misguided fool who broke your heart, you’re loved, you’re deeply loved, Bilbo, and not just by me. Everyone in the company loves you. You’re our friend, our family.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin took a shuddering breath and noticed Bilbo’s misty eyes, during his whole speech the hobbit had grown more distressed with each word and Thorin knew he should have stopped but this was necessary, for both of them. Thorin needed to let it out and Bilbo needed to hear it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilbo covered his face with both hands and loudly began sobbing, shoulders shaking and his whole body trembling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin panicked, unsure of what to do. In the past he would have instantly pulled Bilbo into his arms, hugging him and comforting him until he ran out of tears to cry but now — that he was the cause of his despair — Thorin felt useless.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You giant idiot!” Bilbo shouted, his words half-muffled under his hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then, between one breath and the next, before Thorin could even think of replying, Bilbo threw himself at Thorin and wrapped his arms around his neck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You impossible dwarf. May Yavanna save me, you’re going to be the death of me,” Bilbo lamented against Thorin’s neck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin was left speechless and it took him a few seconds to understand what had happened before he, too, wrapped his arms around Bilbo, hugging his middle and pulling him closer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t understand what he had said that had made Bilbo hug him, or speak so fondly at Thorin but he wasn’t going to complain. Taking a deep breath he was engulfed in the comforting essence that came from Bilbo and felt himself relax. Even if Bilbo couldn’t return his feelings he still got to have him close and that was much more than Thorin could have asked, or hoped to have.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After Bilbo had calmed down and his tears had dried, Thorin hesitantly dared to ask, “May I-” he cut himself off, hesitant to continue. “May I ask who is the one who broke your heart?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilbo looked at him, blinking; as if he hadn’t understood Thorin’s question.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” He asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked,” Thorin felt stupid for even having thought about asking something so personal. It was normal Bilbo didn’t want to talk about it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Sweet Yavanna...” Bilbo exclaimed quietly to himself, eyes wide. “I-” He took Thorin’s hand between his own and put it on his beardless cheek. Thorin caressed the bare cheek with his thumb without even realizing. “It’s you...” Bilbo said and Thorin froze, not sure if he had heard correctly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re the one I love,” repeated Bilbo, “It’s always been you. After we retook the mountain I thought that I may have a chance and that you might come to love me too but then you began acting strange and little afterwards you started avoiding me. I thought you had found out about my feelings and were trying to find a way to reject me gently.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin gasped. “No! No, I could never do that to you. I’m sorry you took it that way, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Uzfakuh</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Thorin placed his other hand on Bilbo’s other cheek and pressed their foreheads together, trying to convey, to make Bilbo understand, that he had never intended to hurt him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know that now, and even then… I think I knew it as well,” Bilbo assured him, with a small smile, then after a moment that smile turned mischievous and his eyes glinted in amusement. Thorin fell a little bit more in love in that moment. “I know you’re ashamed and embarrassed about what happened yesterday but I really liked it. It might have been different if my feelings for you weren’t the same, but they are, so I found your praise very flattering. I felt very cherished and beautiful. Besides, my khuzdul is improving and I was able to understand what you called me. It was very sweet...” Bilbo added, his cheeks tinged rosy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin exhaled an embarrassed chuckle and felt his face aflame but refused to draw away. Of all the things he regretted the day before, the endearments were the last on the list. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Braving up, still high and dizzy from the knowledge that Bilbo returned his feelings, Thorin dared to do something he might have not done otherwise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss in Bilbo’s plump lips. The closeness gave him a fluttery feeling on the stomach, feeling almost as if he was soaring. He drew back and whispered, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>amrâlimê,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” he kissed Bilbo again. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Sanûrzud</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” and again, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>menu tessu</span>
  </em>
  <span>” and again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin kept kissing Bilbo, again and again, as he murmured endearments against his lips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin’s body grew hot and his blood boiled inside his veins but he decided to ignore it, instead, he focused on pleasing Bilbo, on showering in the love he deserved, the love Thorin now felt burning under his skin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eventually, it was Bilbo the one to deepen the kiss. He coaxed Thorin’s mouth open and slipped his tongue inside, pressing it hotly against Thorin’s own.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin made a keening sound, half choked. Never he could have thought kissing felt this good. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin followed Bilbo’s lead and kissed him back just as fervently. Sighing at the closeness, the feeling of Bilbo’s lips between his own. Thorin sucked on his lower lip and gave it a tiny bite, extracting a shuddering sigh from Bilbo.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The only thing Thorin could hear was the wild thumping of his heart, Bilbo’s sighs and half-choked hums and moans of pleasure whenever Thorin flicked his tongue the right way or craned his neck to deepen the kisses even more. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They kept like that for a while, soft words or love pressed against their skin and lips interlocked, their hands unable to let the other go.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin knew they should stop, he was getting only hotter as they kept kissing, the burning passion he felt for Bilbo only having increased after finding his love was returned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had never expected to be so close, so </span>
  <em>
    <span>intimate</span>
  </em>
  <span>, with Bilbo and the understanding that he was now allowed to kiss and hold Bilbo as much as he wished, in the ways he had only dreamt of, was almost too much for Thorin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait, wait,” he said, half panting as he drew away from Bilbo. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He felt desire pool at the bottom of his stomach and when he took in Bilbo’s flushed and happy face, the blatantly obvious tent on his pants gave an interested twitch, making Thorin almost wince. His member was hard in almost a painful way, proof that a couple of kisses from Bilbo were enough to make him undone</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” Bilbo asked, just as breathless, following after Thorin as if he — just like Thorin — couldn’t get enough.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think we should continue. I-” Thorin began, his face burning in embarrassment. Unable to phrase the words he simply looked at his lap and Bilbo did the same, taking on the prominent bulge in his pants. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Bilbo said, surprised, but to Thorin’s relief, he didn’t seem horrified or disgusted, not even nervous. Instead, he was biting his lower lip tantalizingly as he tried to suppress a smile. “Is this how you were all those times you avoided me?” Bilbo asked, not taking his eyes away from Thorin’s erection.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not always,” Thorin cleared his throat nervously. “But many times it happened, yes. I didn’t wish to make you uncomfortable so I cowardly ran away before you noticed. I find you very alluring and desirable, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ghivashel. </span>
  </em>
  <span>I seem unable to stop myself from wanting you...” Thorin added, voice low and heavy with want.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilbo lifted his gaze and met Thorin’s, he had an eager glint on his eyes, face bright and happy and, if Thorin hadn’t been already sitting, he might have felt his knees go weak. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilbo was so handsome…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So gorgeous…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know it might be a little too soon, and you can of course refuse, but-” Bilbo began, swallowing thickly midway and Thorin felt his eyes tracking the movement of Bilbo’s neck. “I could help you relieve yourself. If you- if you don’t mind. I- well… I actually have wanted you for a long time and we don’t have to go all the way, just a little bit! I just want to touch you a little bit more...” Bilbo trailed off, his face incredibly red. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin was certain his own face was just as red, as burning as he felt, it wouldn’t be odd. He took a shuddering breath, and then swallowed, unable to say a single word.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Had Thorin been a stronger dwarf he might have refused, not willing to take that step until he had properly courted Bilbo, properly showed him how much Bilbo meant to him. But as Thorin had been proved time and time again, he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> weak when it came to Bilbo.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are- are you sure?” Thorin asked, needing to hear that Bilbo wanted this as well, needing to hear that the hobbit wished this as much as Thorin did.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Yes!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Bilbo almost shouted, an enthusiastic grin on his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin, unable to resist anymore, closed the distance again and pulled Bilbo into a sinfully openmouthed kiss, pouring all of the desire and passion he had been feeling, and suppressing, all this time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilbo scooted closer and Thorin made his way down and kissed and bit Bilbo’s neck — the hobbit letting out wanton sounds that only served to rile Thorin further, and suddenly he found himself with a very eager and hungry Bilbo sitting on his lap, earnestly pressing himself against Thorin’s hardened member. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In that moment, Thorin realized Bilbo was just as hard as him. Thorin half groaned a moan against Bilbo’s neck, clumsily searching friction against Bilbo. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bilbo, I’m not going to last if- Oh, Mahal!” Almost shouted Thorin as Bilbo rubbed greedily against Thorin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know, just-” Bilbo half mumbled, his eyes slightly glazed and his cheeks flushed red. He drew back slightly, resting his bum on Thorin’s knees, and Thorin let his hands wander to the curve of his hips, holding Bilbo, fingers slipping under his shirt to caress his skin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilbo placed his palm on top of Thorin’s cock, making him shudder at the contact and looked at him, asking for permission, to which Thorin keenly nodded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin, realizing what Bilbo intended to do, slid his thumbs under Bilbo’s pants and undergarments and slowly, very carefully, pulled them down, revealing the mouth-watering sight that was Bilbo’s cock, nestled in neat and short dark copper curls. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Transfixed in the sight as he was, Thorin didn’t notice that Bilbo had done the same to him until he felt a hand hold his own cock, erupting a half-choked gasp from him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin rested his forehead on Bilbo’s shouter and trembled as Bilbo caressed him with his hand, pleasuring him in ways no other had.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wasting no time, Thorin pulled Bilbo into another heated kiss and slipped his hand around the hobbit’s member, mimicking the earlier ministrations he had received.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilbo moaned and Thorin swallowed the sound, tangling their tongues together messily, after a moment Thorin let his hands descend under Bilbo’s pants and took a handful on that sinful bottom — that in more than one occasion had starred on his dreams — and dragged Bilbo closer to him, pushing their cocks flush. Bilbo wove his arms around Thorin and mouthed along his neck, biting and sucking, driving Thorin into oblivion as they rutted against each other. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was messy and it was dirty and had been in another situation or with another person Thorin might have found it repulsive, but with Bilbo, he found it exhilarating. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin couldn’t get enough. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their cocks, rubbing wetly against each other, felt hot and heavy but as much as Thorin would have liked to continue for hours on end, their thirst ended far too quickly and far too suddenly. Thorin spilt between them with a surprised shout, Bilbo following not a couple of seconds later.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They remained in each other's arms after that, basking in the afterglow. Thorin’s legs were almost asleep after having had Bilbo on top of him for so long but he couldn’t care any less. Wrapping his arms around his waist Thorin adjusted their position and slid on the sofa more comfortable, pulling Bilbo a top of him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>He placed a small peck on the bare cheek and rubbed his own bearded one against it, making his lover —</span> <span>Mahal, his </span><em><span>lover</span></em><span> — giggle at the tickly sensation. </span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bilo grabbed his face and caught Thorin’s lips between his own, sucking lightly on Thorin’s lower lip, making him hum at the sensation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you,” whispered Bilbo against his lips and Thorin, his heart dancing inside his chest, pecked him some more, quick successive kisses that made smacking sounds in the otherwise silent room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you too,” Thorin responded, feeling light and warm, more content and happy than he had ever felt before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He still might be unable to control his hormone riddled body when Bilbo came too close to him, but at least now he could freely indulge and satiate his thirst with Bilbo. Because, as Thorin had come to understand after this was that, if he was hungry for Bilbo, then Bilbo was </span>
  <em>
    <span>ravenous</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin didn’t think he would ever have to hide again from Bilbo finding out how much Thorin desired him. And not only physically but also romantically, finally, Thorin was allowed to steal as many kisses as he wanted. He, now, could freely hold Bilbo’s hand and never let go. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And perhaps, with time, he might even be allowed to put a braid on those gorgeous curls…</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“We really have to thank Dwalin,” Bilbo commented as Thorin washed his hair, his head resting on Thorin’s chest. “He was the one who got Roäc to call me to get you, and the one to help clean the whole mess.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thorin chuckled, he might still be slightly peeved at Dwalin’s way of handling things but he couldn’t deny he had done his best to help Thorin, in his own very </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Dwalin’</span>
  </em>
  <span> way…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aye,” Thorin agreed, remembering the almost three hours that he had spent gushing and praising all the many attributes Bilbo had, from the hair at the top of his head to the fuzzy curls atop his feet. Through all Dwalin had patiently listened to Thorin, even if he was certain the bald dwarf had most likely wanted to stab himself in the ears. “He’s a good brother,” concluded Thorin with half a smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Perhaps he ought to make Dwalin his witness when he finally presented Bilbo with his first courting gift.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That would surely annoy Dwalin but only family got that courtesy, so in a way, Thorin was certain he would be flattered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe I should bake him a cake when we get the supplies...” pondered Bilbo, slowly sinking in the bath as Thorin rinsed his hair.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Better some cookies,” suggested Thorin, remembering the time he had found Dwalin elbows deep in the cookie jar, back when he had first met Bilbo at Bag End.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aye, he was definitely making Dwalin his witness. If he got Bilbo’s cookies as an incentive Thorin didn’t doubt he would accept. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now, Thorin wondered excitedly, what should he craft as Bilbo's first gift?</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Uzfakuh - my greatest joy<br/>Khajimel – Gift of all Gifts<br/>Sanûrzud – perfect (true/pure) sun<br/>Lukhudel – Light of all Lights<br/>Âzyungel - love of loves<br/>Ghivashel – treasure of all treasures<br/>Menu tessu – you mean everything to me<br/>Amrâlimê – my love</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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